I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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