There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Where is the hickey?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
