i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
