I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
