and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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