My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ladies don't puke and tell
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
