Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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