i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
