you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
