i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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