Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
