Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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