Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
