I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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