He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
