Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
FUCK WHALES
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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