my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
