she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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