I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
