I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize