For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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