Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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