Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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