I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
