We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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