What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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