He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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