.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
