So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize