I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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