I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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