But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize