I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize