Ambien. No doubt about it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize