My hair reeks of homosexuality.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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