Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
