In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize