i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
