No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
