shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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