Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize