I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
