You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
