Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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