the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
