Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
