It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
