OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
my poor anus
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
