filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
