how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
