the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
