Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize