I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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