I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
