Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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