I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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