i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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