mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
