I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
