he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize