i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
