Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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