omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
