Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
