dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
