I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize