yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
