When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
