Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize