I can tuck mytits in my pants
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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