I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
