Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
