med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
