Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize