I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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