If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
