On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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