New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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