You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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