I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
