I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize