I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
