I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
