It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize