Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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