mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
