apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
