don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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