Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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