even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
