I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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