Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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