OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
