My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
