the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
