areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
