He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
