There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
