well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
