Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
