Me. At least after what I've been through.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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