first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
