Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
