when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
