here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
